It's Been a While....

As you can see it's been a while since I've posted anything. It turns out I didn't have much to say in the blogging world. But.....things are about to change. If you know me at all, even just a little bit, what I am about to say will probably shock you. Ben and I have been talking about having kids! I know, it sounds crazy but it's true. It's a long story so let me start at the beginning....

About 6 months ago Ben came home from church and told me that someone got up and spoke about adoption. He asked me if I had ever thought about adoption. I told him that I hadn't really thought about it but I didn't think I was against it. Fast forward 5 months later and all of the sudden I start thinking about adoption as an option for us to have kids. I thought it was crazy because I had never thought about it in that way before. What really surprised me was I was excited about the prospect of adoption. I didn't tell Ben right away because I was afraid it was just a momentary feeling and that it might go away. I prayed about it for the next week and specifically asked God for signs that this was real and that we should pursue. I started seeing adoption stuff and babies everywhere! I took that as God's signs to me so I brought it up to Ben on night at dinner. I think he was a little shocked that I was even talking about it. We started talking more about it over the next week and even looked into adoption agencies and actually picked which one we were going to go with.

As we delved deeper into the process our conversation changed from adoption to actually having kids. Ben jokingly said one night "are you sure you don't want to have them naturally, it would be a lot cheaper." He was totally kidding, but it got me thinking. Not about the money issue exactly, but everything else that went along with having "natural" kids. What really shocked the heck out of me was that I was starting to get excited about that prospect! Never in a million years could you have convinced me that I would be entertaining the thought of kids.

So, that brings us to now. We have decided to try to get pregnant as soon as Ben gets his raise at work (he should get it once he goes from hourly to salary). We aren't exactly sure when that will happen, but we are hoping in the next 5-6 months.

You might be asking what brought about this change of heart and honestly, I have no idea. I think God really started working in my life months ago to bring me to this point. I soon realized that I was defined by my opinions, my ideas about kids. I liked being the girl who went against the grain and said she didn't want to have kids, even when most people thought she should. I was Sarah, the girl who likes Star Wars, Harry Potter, Star Trek, and doesn't want to have kids. That was comfortable for me and I liked my definition. God showed me that I didn't have to be and shouldn't be defined by that and because I was, it was hindering me from living life.

Now don't get me wrong, I still feel some of the way that I did before. I'm terrified that I'm not secure enough to be a mom. I still don't like other people's kids (though I've heard I'll like my own so I'm banking on that :O)) The whole pregnancy thing is not something I am looking forward to and I am dreading labor, but I know that in the end it will be worth it. I look around me now, at all the christmas decorations and the festivities and I think about how much fun it will be to enjoy it with a child. To be able to do all the things with them that my parents did with me. And not just at Christmas, but other times during the year as well. I get excited when I think about that first trip to Disney World, watching cartoons on Saturday morning and picking out the christmas tree.

Ben and I both ask for your prayers as we embark on this new journey. Thanks for reading my really long post and we'll keep you updated on how things are going.