Learning to Trust

I'm sure everyone is scared by the thought of having kids, but sometimes I think I am more scared than anyone. Most people have the benefit of wanting kids their entire life. The grow up thinking they'll get married and have kids and they can't wait for that. I don't have that benefit. it wasn't until 9 months ago that I even entertained the thought of having children. I always knew I didn't want any. And because of that, sometimes I feel I'm a bit behind everyone else, like I'm the last one to show up for the party. I've never read any books on parenting, I never really interacted with kids except for babysitting in high school, I'm not up on the latest and greatest baby paraphernalia, and so on. I can't even tell you at what age things are supposed to happen; like when a baby can hold their head up or when they get their first tooth, or learn to crawl and walk. I feel like that's stuff a person should know. And I don't.

Like I said, I know everyone is scared when they have kids, and most feel like they don't know what they are doing either, but at times I REALLY feel like I have no idea what I am getting into.

I've been thinking a lot about this (obviously) and I came to the realization the I don't put enough trust in God to get me through this. I've been relying on my own strength to figure everything out and that's just not going to work. My own strength will fail me every time. I have to rely on his strength and trust Him to work everything out. He's the one who changed my heart in this area (goodness knows i didn't do it myself!) and if He's able to change my stubborn heart, then He's certainly able to give me the strength to trust him.

It's been a whole new experience for me, one that I'm excited about and scared about all at the same time. Should be an interesting journey :)